Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Napolitano's "No Confidence"

It occurs to me that Department of Homeland Security Secretary Napolitano doesn’t realize one very important aspect of American Culture:

Party lines are not drawn around families, they go through them.

Within one immediate family, you can have Liberals and Conservatives. I married a Liberal, albeit one who is rapidly being alienated from her traditional stances by the current administration. Dick Cheney’s daughter is purportedly a Liberal while Mr. Cheney is, well, you get the picture.

The recent report that asserts that returning Veterans of OIF/OEF may in fact become terrorists themselves after fighting them and losing friends in the process, demonstrates her inability to grasp the concept that several families have within them not only different political views, but Military members and veterans as well. This insult was felt far and wide.

Added to this, and the implied and widely understood importance of her position, she may have irreparably damaged at the very least her standing in the average American’s eyes when it comes to our combined safety. If she cannot grasp the idea that we are a mixed people politically, then maybe there are other, more dangerous omissions in her conceptualization of her duties.

Even the
Boston Globe, a Liberal leaning paper, has called her to task for her ineptitude in not only the report itself, but also the resulting backlash that it incurred to her Office. Her stumbling explanations were a further insult to our intelligence when a simple apology would have made most of this flack go away.

Also, given the new problem involving the Swine Flu (which will be better known as a real threat or a simple scare by the end of the week), she concerns me. Ms. Napolitano will be instrumental in either combating the possible epidemic or hindering the proper response with her action or inaction. Given her record so far, I cannot say that I am confident in our National Security under her watch.

Perhaps it might be best if she stepped down before any real and lasting damage is done.


The Obama administration has no:
1. Surgeon General
2. None of the 19 posts or Secretary positions filled in the Dept. of Health and Human Services
3. No confirmation on the FDA Head.

We might safely assume that the DHS will have to (along with other Departments) pick up the slack if the Swine Flu becomes a major issue. I'd like it to be someone who can handle a daily routine at least...

H/T: Hot Air

Monday, April 27, 2009

The Elephant Is Getting Back Up

The GOP is actually on the right path.

This is suggested by the two pronged attack that we have begun to make in response to the current Administration’s reckless political behavior.

The political sector of our Party is ridiculed as the “Party of No”. Ridicule, being what it is, is a good sign. It demonstrates the fear of our opposition that we won’t be holding much, if any, of this baggage in 2010 or especially 2012. As our Party continues to vote “No” on every Boondoggle Bonanza of Spending that floats down the Potomac, we are gambling, but with rather good odds, that the Democrats will be left trying to explain and rationalize away the various consequences that will eventually come from this Orgy of Conspicuous Consumption.

In addition, by taking to task the Obama Administration for whatever its newest bungle might be, the Political Class is keeping pressure where it’s needed, the weakest point. The constant scrutiny will wear quickly on the President, and will ensure that he continues to provide us with ammunition.

Meanwhile, the rest of us, complete with our Tea Parties and other assorted frivolities, will continue to demonstrate our frustration and anger with a Government that has forsaken our values and chosen to embrace its own ideals. The ridicule displayed by erstwhile professionals in the media is all the evidence that I require to see that it has the desired effect.

The only thing that we need now is someone to front us in the Presidential Primaries, and the only thing that we have to fear is the Personality Cult that may very well re-elect Obama despite all the evidence to his ineptitude in the Oval Office.

“He’s so cool!” will be a powerful enemy to defeat. Watch and see.

So I beg you to not lose your faith, and continue doing everything you can to further our agenda of a more responsible and less intrusive Government. We will be called racists for opposing the Nation’s first Black-American President, we will be singled out and dissected for our fortitude, and we will sustain grievous wounds from the derision heaped upon us by those who are afraid that they may have bought the Presidential version of the Edsel.

In the end, I believe that it will come down to Public Opinion versus Public Relations.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

An Examination of Torture

The subject of torture is a difficult one to broach and examine. Its inherent sensitivity renders it a particularly incendiary topic, and it presents some very unpleasant questions.

As a former Marine Infantryman, I can recall how our intelligence units would interrogate certain detainees for information pertaining to the area and even their knowledge of the “Bigger Fish”. I remember being on heightened alert after various enemy combatants were “processed” due to the unveiling of threats unknown prior to the capture.

Lives were saved, families were spared the agony of a lost loved one, and another day dawned to which we were awake.

The same effect is evident following the torture of numerous known terrorists in recent years, but the very idea of torture is disturbing or even abhorrent to some people.

I must admit unease in regards to it myself.

However, allow me to put this into some perspective.

These cases are not isolated incidents of randomly captured individuals; they are hardened terrorists whose goals are your demise. They are actively seeking the means to destroy everything that they can that has anything to do with America. They are vile and inhuman people who would kill you and your whole family if given half a chance. They were identified through intelligence networks as key members of various organizations whose ultimate interests lie in the removal of Democracy from the world to be replaced by their theocratic dictatorships of oppression. They are incapable of accepting rehabilitation, they cannot be “cured” or won over, and they will continue their evil enterprises upon release from their incarceration.

In short, they deserve much worse than the current treatment that many of them now enjoy in places like Guantanamo Bay.

In light of recent reports suggesting that 9/11-scale attacks were avoided by the use of “enhanced interrogation” techniques, I would still caution against its widespread use, if at all. The danger that I see is precedent.

We of the Right have pointed out the Law of Unintended Consequences as the bane of the Left for some time now, but it works both ways, and I will cite the Slippery Slope that can best be exampled by the expression, “Where does it stop?” We have given the legitimate arguments that if we allow for the Re-definition of Marriage for homosexuals; will we be opening the door for adult-children unions later? How about adults and animals, or even inanimate objects? If we make provisions for the Legalization of Marijuana, when will we be allowing for Cocaine and Opium to be legalized? They are also grown naturally, right (the difference is chemical processing, but that's another post...)?

Humor me as I present a hypothetical and admittedly extreme scenario:

You own a large arsenal of firearms (so far, not a stretch?) and in six years time, the 2nd Amendment is repealed, effectively making all your guns illegal. You must surrender them to the proper authorities, or face investigation and subsequent prosecution by the Federal Government. With your weapons legally registered with the local law enforcement, it is easily discovered that you have hidden them in a cache somewhere. In a vocal protest that is televised, you state something to the effect of “Molon Labe” and make some reference to “your cold dead hand”. The Feds arrive and take you to an undisclosed location and proceed to submit you to waterboarding and other forms of torture until you relinquish the where-abouts of your firearms.

Sounds crazy? In a world that saw the DHS issue an unrepentant report that labels returning veterans of OIF/OEF as (paraphrased) “at-risk to be enlisted or recruited into Right-wing Extremist groups and racist organizations”? Food for thought…

I don’t have an answer, but perhaps we should be more cynical or critical of issues and ideologies that we are only currently happy with the results of. Otherwise, something like this could severely bite us in the hindquarters.

The Human Clone's Imminent Arrival?

At some point the Human Clone will be upon us, and we will learn to deal with this new facet of Human Existence.

I’ve heard of many complaints and concerns surrounding the possibility that these beings will be without souls, and while I can not verify or deny these fears, I will refer to the classic story of Frankenstein by Mary Shelley.

In the story, it was feared (to a great degree, and thus a major plot point…) that the Monster would mate with a woman, either a natural human, or coerce his Maker, Doctor Frankenstein to make him a partner of sorts in the same way that he himself was created.

The resulting horror and abomination was then thought to have been a hideous conglomeration of festering wounds and disjointed limbs, but in the eyes of a modern reader, this assertion is rather silly (hence, in my opinion, the decline of the story’s prestige in recent decades). The offspring of these two would have depended entirely on the sexual organs alone and even if separate from the other parts in origin, they would have produced a normal and healthy child.

Quite the let-down in the Horror world, eh?

Yet today, we have once again a new and terrifying prospect, the Human Clone. A being contrived through science and reason, devoid of any soul, lacking even a vestigial remnant of its True Human Fore-bearer’s spirit!

Dross, crap, and poppycockery.

We will never run out of things to run screaming into the hills from, will we? Another amazing advancement in science to be greeted as an insufferable evil. Of course, you must never let it pass your mind that God may have intended for us to do things like use a tool, or attempt to bring order to chaos, or to improve our lives past the drudgery that was the 14th century. Nope, such thoughts are a plague, an insidious attack by The Horned One who can quote the Bible to further his own infernal ends! Egad!

I would certainly advise caution, restraint, and perhaps even regulation, but I will not engage in the random and baseless fear mongering that can lead to scientific stagnancy.

This does not offend my religious sensitivities; neither does it raise my Hackles of Reason. We progress. It is what we do best. Perhaps we get ahead of ourselves sometimes, and we have certainly taken on projects that have proven our match and greater from time to time, but such is trial and error, the way of learning.

Relax and observe; you may yet see the Glory of God in a scientific advancement…

H/T: Hot Air

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

The Marijuana Question

Today, I’m weighing in on the possible Legalization of Marijuana. Those of you (three, maybe four?) who have been reading me for a while now, might have noticed that I can deviate from the Party Line some when it comes to Social Conservatism. As such, it will come as no surprise when I say the following:

We should legalize Marijuana, and “grandfather” out of prison anyone who is currently there for ONLY Marijuana charges.

Breathe… Again… Ok? Good.

Now, the only way that I’ve ever seen anyone’s life become ruined by Marijuana is when they get caught.

I’m not talking about those people who were out to destroy themselves anyway, and you know who I’m talking about. If you’ve ever spent any time around less-than-stellar personages, you know exactly of whom I’m referring. The people who need no chemicals in their system to behave in a catastrophically inhumane fashion? The ones who can throw away their entire lives and sometimes those of their family's in the process? They’re already lost causes. Let them go. Everyone else? Well…

It is my belief that as Conservatives, we have some cognitive dissonance of our very own. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, I’ll elaborate:

Cognitive Dissonance- A condition of conflict or anxiety resulting from inconsistency between one's beliefs and one's actions, such as opposing the slaughter of animals and eating meat. ~ Answers.com

The left has been afflicted before with very exemplary instances of this malady, such as:

The organization Queers For Palestine (They would be put to death there)

Supporting Iran and Promoting World Peace

Claiming to be the Party of Humane Action, and then allowing rampant abortions

And so on…

In the case of Marijuana, we find the Right-wing’s secret Cognitive Dissonance Enabler. Consider how we view responsible gun ownership:

1. Human responsibility should be placed on the human responsible.
2. Do not assign moral values to an inanimate object.
3. Removal of one outlet of human nature will ensure a replacement of said outlet.

The above three tenets of such are listed here in my article on the matter. Soon after writing this piece, I noticed something. We give very good and logical reasons for our continued right to keep and bear arms, but somehow, these same applicable laws of reason don’t apply to drugs.

I’ve heard Marijuana referred to in all seriousness as “The Devil’s Weed” and much worse. I realize that drugs alter perception and thought unlike guns, but you must still acknowledge that the choice to become “high” is still a human responsibility. The application of moral values to an inanimate object is still illogical and therefore shouldn’t be allowed into the debate. I don’t care if your “second cousin once smoked pot and decided to jump off a roof” or some other silly and implausible scenario comes up, I will still hold that no one put the joint, bowl, bong, pipe, vaporizer, or other paraphernalia up to his or her lips and pulled the trigger on the lighter. The same three principles apply to Marijuana, and to not recognize such is hypocrisy.

Furthermore, the fact that we can not get rid of the drug in this country, and I can recall being able to get high when my friends and I couldn’t afford or score cigarettes (age 14 or so) underscores the (paraphrased) point that comedian Bill Hicks made in his stand-up routine:

“We have a War on Drugs, and the people on drugs are winning!”

Alcohol was completely out of the question in my youth (regulation works, how about that…), but we sure could find pot most nights to wile away the hours in suburbia.

I’m not going to get into the economic side of the issue, as I am no economist, but I will say that if we legalized Marijuana, we would see some annual profit from the substance. I’ll go you one further and say that if we grandfathered out of jails and prisons all those who were put away on Marijuana charges, we would save an additional amount of money every year.

Those people with whom I am acquainted who smoke it are usually very responsible folks who simply go about their daily routines and don’t start any trouble. In fact, they go out of their way to avoid it. Illegality aside, they just don’t want to deal with the added stress of whatever situation threatens to “bring them down”. They’re mostly peaceful and generous in their intoxication, unlike another, more legal variety of inebriant.

Make it just like Alcohol in regards to its regulation. Don’t smoke and drive, don’t go to work high, don’t do it in public (bars acceptable), frown upon its use around children, and so on. Allow for it to be bought and sold under licensed and overseen transactions. Tax it, import it, export it, grow it (with license), and capitalize on it.

This drug is a mainstay of gangs and drug dealers. Without it to hold them up, they will lose revenue. Right now, in an economic downturn, I can guarantee that sales are up for illicit recreational pharmaceuticals. Without Marijuana, a good portion of them would be very much so out of luck and out of business.

As a parent of my Step-daughter’s friend once said, “The only thing that is keeping it from being legal is the fact that as of yet, they cannot determine if you have smoked in the immediate past”. They can take you to a hospital for a urinalysis test, but that only shows the last thirty days, not that you were intoxicated while, say, driving twenty minutes ago. When they have established a test for immediate use that is:

1. Non-invasive
2. Economical
3. On-the-spot
4. Reliable

…then they will begin the legislation for its regulated legalization. I can almost promise you that when the “breath-a-lyzer” test comes, so will the serious examination of the end of Marijuana prohibition.

I have flown once again in the face of my Party’s traditional stance here, but I believe in personal freedom and responsibility. In the end, it all comes down to your individual choice to do the right or wrong thing at any given moment, and I like having the decision all to myself.

Feels like… Liberty.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Hard Times Ahead

Given the recent DHS report that seeks to demonize Veterans and other “Right-wing Extremists”, the poorly veiled smear from CNN on the coverage of the Tea Parties, and now the epitome of Mental Stability, Janine Garofalo insisting that we’re racist for protesting Big Government Spending, I fear that things will get worse before they get better.

For several decades now, the Left has floated itself on the idea that it is the Anti-discrimination party. It began with the Civil Rights Movement, where the moral authority to call out those in power who were truly attempting to keep various peoples in “their place” was a strong and virtuous one.

The Left has retained its claim on these actions and most especially on the claim that it has the unquestionable right and indeed the obligation to continue laying blame at the feet of those who would see others oppressed. The only problem is that laws have been passed, organizations have been formed (or shattered), and changes are in evidence to support the notion that perhaps we have moved on from that era.

But why let a good tool go to waste?

Having the perceived moral authority to claim that someone is racist, fascist, or a general example of non-humanity is a great boon to their efforts. We are seeing this being applied liberally to our efforts right now.

On April 15th, we witnessed a massive gathering of peoples from all different walks of life who wanted to be heard in regards to their displeasure concerning the rampant spending that will lead to high taxes for at least another generation of Americans. An off-the-top estimate appears to be 500,000 across the nation. This was a great start that will propel us forward towards our ability to effect real change in Washington as well as bolster our candidate in 2012.

This fact is quite frightening to those of the Left.

Our ability to organize and stage such protests is a very real threat to them as evidenced by the above stated reactions and pre-emptive strikes. These despicable acts of misrepresentation and libel will only increase. We can all look forward to being smeared, jeered, and threatened with increasing ferocity and frequency.

The fact is that we are becoming the counter-culture. We are the new “hippies”, although we might very well be awarded some other title such as “suitee”, “squarey”, or even “righty-whiteies”. Ridicule, anti-coverage, and dismissal will be our foes. Misrepresented policies and messages will plague us. Our fervent, but misguided friends will take us backwards with their ravings. This will not be easy.

Hope is never far however, from those who continue to push forward.

So gather your wits about you, call your allies, and sally forth towards the fray…

…it has only just begun.

H/T: Hot Air

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Hey folks, I've been up for 24 hours (or more, I've lost track...). So... I'm outta here. Good night! More tomorrow from today!
Cut taxes? No good. Cut programs! Obama is caving? Twitter is buzzing! Confermation soon...

Wow! A Lot Of People In Cincinnati Came Out For Tea!

Well, I'm back from the Party, and as promised, here's some lovely pictures for you...

Official estimates are in the 5-8k range... Lots of "Party People"!

Great energy, refreshing dose of action, just an all around good day! If you want any photos for yourself, leave a comment with a generic (temporary) e-mail address, or other means of getting hold of you.

Oh, and the Press can't hide from this one, they were there all right...

"Forget the pirates in Somalia, worry about the pirates in Washington!" Big cheer...
Getting great airial shots! I'll post them later...
2500-3000 in attendance. (Official estimate)
So much accurate spelling, I'm just so...
The voices (bullhorns) tell me that the Fed is bad...
Up to hundreds. Maybe 3 or 4...
Media! NBC, ABC, more in route...
Starting to fill up nicely. About 100 or so...
I'm down here at the Cincinnati Tea Party. I'm going to try the live blogging thing, but I'll give you a better story later today. Stay tuned. All three of you!

Understanding Our Fundamental Differences

I’ve been meaning to do an examination of the fundamental differences between the thought processes of Liberals and Conservatives. In the spirit of Progressive Understanding, I figured that I could contribute to the dialogue by examining the two different methodologies of looking at any given situation.

As has been pointed out to me by my friend Rob, Conservatives are more comfortable keeping the status quo so to speak, and simply remain going about the daily business of life in the same routine as it has always been done. Liberals on the other hand are almost always looking for new things to try. These principles can best be related to the general public as:

Conservative: If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.

Liberal: There’s gotta be a better way.

If you look at many recent hot-button issues, you’ll see that this is largely the case. Conservatives fight for things to remain the same, while Liberals fight to bring about change (no pun intended).

The most obvious examples of differences in this vein are demonstrated by what we name our organizations:

Conservative: Heritage Foundation

Liberal: ACORN or Association of Community Organizations for Reform Now

“Heritage” implies long-held traditional values, while “Reform” and “Now” imply the progressive sense of forward movement.

Keep in mind one important fact: Neither of these viewpoints is invalid. While it could be argued that the Conservative outlook gives us tradition and a sense of culture, similarly, the Liberal outlook demonstrates invention and progress.

Another way we differ is when it comes to national security or foreign policy. This has been remarked upon before within the blogsphere, but I’ll repeat it again.

Conservative: Crime Prevention

Liberal: Law Enforcement

The essential gist if this idea is that while Conservatives tend to be pro-active in the defense of themselves or the nation, Liberals tend to wait for something to happen before taking any measures. While Conservatives will arm themselves due to their natural distrust of the unknown, “Just because it’s never happened, doesn’t mean that it can’t”, Liberals will be more prone to trust their fellow man and believe that goodwill and charity will suffice in their daily interactions, “I believe that all people are inherently good”.

Again, the general ideas themselves are not bad, but they might be misplaced or even inappropriate under certain circumstances.

As a generalization, Conservatives are more independent, while Liberals are more community-oriented. This can be illustrated by looking at the differing approaches in everything from child-rearing to economics:

Conservative: “Tightly-knit Nuclear Family”

Liberal: “It takes a village to raise a child”

A Conservative will be more likely to consider home-school for their children, usually with a religious based curriculum, but a Liberal will demand that the local (and secular) public school be adequately funded so as to afford the finest available education for their offspring.

Conservative: I give to charities of my own accord.

Liberal: Our taxes should pay for the less fortunate.

While many strong arguments have been made concerning the negating effect on charity by mandatory charity through allocated taxation, others have stated that it should be a wealthy nation’s responsibility to take care of as many people as possible.

Conservative: Privatized Healthcare

Liberal: Universal Healthcare

The current administration wishes to make available a government run system of providing healthcare to any that cannot afford to take on the fiscal responsibility of privately funded healthcare. While this matter is a hotly debated sticking point between the parties, the idea is not necessarily a bad one. The primary reasons for it being so divisive are the unintended consequences seen by one side, and the desire for humane action viewed by the other.

Conservative: I should keep as much of my money as possible to decide its uses as I see fit, such as investing in our economy.

Liberal: High taxes are patriotic, and allow my country to grow stronger through the government’s direct guidance.

Conservatives argue that keeping most of their money will allow them to spend it on free enterprise items that will stimulate the economy, and invest it in stocks thus “floating” the industries on capitol. Liberals believe that through government programs and regulation of business, sustainable economic prosperity can be achieved.

In conclusion, I would say that while all of the above can be argued ad Nauseum as to whether or not it is logically applicable to various political issues, has moral value to be assigned, or is right, wrong, evil, or the best thing for everyone; at the core of every thought process is what I hope to be a good intention. I do realize that a certain avenue of approach to a locale that features deplorable living conditions is manufactured from only the finest of desires for other’s and one’s own well-being, but they have worked out for the best as well.

Perhaps through the understanding that we all want what is best, and that the goal is often approached from different angles and may even yield different conclusions, you will alleviate the tension in your next argument or debate with whomsoever you enjoy such lively political discourse.

After all, understanding another person’s point of view is a crucial factor in the ultimate goal of elucidating your own…

Monday, April 13, 2009

Another Example Of Legislative Idiocracy

(Author's Note: I apologize for the crappy video placement. I'm still learning the whole HTML thing. Click on the video to go to YouTube to see it in full...)

After viewing this video earlier today (thanks to a family friend…) I wondered if anyone in Washington D.C. ever actually bothers to read, consider, discuss, ask professionals about, or otherwise investigate any of the House Resolutions that come across their respective desks.

I don’t think that this will pass, but it brings into question the competence and diligence of our Governing Bodies. Surely someone on the Hill has slapped their forehead and gone, “Oh, wait a minute, this is a terrible idea!” as they begin to bury the travesty before they can become a laughing-stock on the House or Senate floors.

Right? Um, yeah…

I haven’t even bothered to
research this revoltingly torrid piece of refuse as I am that sure of its eventual failure. I am going to have faith (with fingers crossed…) and simply believe that no one could be that dense…


Del. Madeleine Bordallo [D-GU] the Delegate from Guam (She is the lead Sponsor…)

And these fine folks who said they would go along (Co-Sponsors) with this glittering example of mental derangement:

Rep. Grace Napolitano [D-CA]
Del. Eni Faleomavaega [D-AS]
Rep. Neil Abercrombie [D-HI]
Rep. James McGovern [D-MA]
Rep. Lynn Woolsey [D-CA]
Rep. Raul Grijalva [D-AZ]
Rep. Barbara Lee [D-CA]
Rep. Barney Frank [D-MA]
Rep. Alcee Hastings [D-FL]
Rep. Ronald Kind [D-WI]
Rep. Dale Kildee [D-MI]
Rep. Ron Klein [D-FL]
Rep. George Miller [D-CA]

Oops. I have seen some of these names before, and I have not been at all pleased with the things that I have heard about them or their politics. Perhaps I had better do more than cross my fingers…

I suppose that dealing with a crumbling economy, handling two wars, and nationalizing everything in sight, one has to have a diversion to take one’s mind off of the pressing concerns of one’s job, but backing legislation that would adversely affect almost everyone who owns a pet?

Are they serious?

I wasn’t even aware that this was an issue. Is this the new environmentalist battle-front? Our pets? Do you feel threatened by hamsters, Mr. Frank? Do you suffer from
Ophidiophobia, Ms. Napolitano? Do you dissolve into a shivering cold sweat at the mere thought of someone owning a parakeet, Mr. Mc Govern?

The Nonnative Wildlife Invasion Prevention Act is a preposterous and guffaw-inducing illustration of the idiocy that is currently serving as our House of Representatives.

There oughta be a law…

H/T:Thanks Ian!

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Sorry about that, but...

I feel that I must apologize for my absence as of late.

I have previously stated that I am not a professional Blogger and can only do this in my spare time.

True, I have been busy as of late with my family and such, but I guess that I am also kind of sick of the “train wreck” that is our current leadership’s administration.

North Korea launches a missile over Japan, and we shrug. Iran blatantly acknowledges their intent to build a nuke, and we shrug. The deficit is quadrupled, and we shrug.

Before you think that this will be a rant revolving around objectivism, I assure that it is not. I’m just a little burned out…

…and I think that this is a good thing.

It demonstrates perhaps, that I am still sane and can take a step back from the situation and just breathe for a minute. Okay, for about eleven days…

Watching the goings-on in Washington with horrified fascination, I have come to the conclusion that we are in for four torturous years of inadequate leadership, rampant incompetence, and a general sense of apathetic withdrawal from that which is simply over-whelming. No kidding, hunh?

I’m not trying to write anything ground breaking tonight, and don’t expect anything even approaching clever. It’s just not in me to do it as of this moment.

I just felt that I owed it to you, my readers, an assurance that I am still here.

My pathetic excuses aside, I will be at the April 15th Tax Day Tea Party here in lovely Cincinnati, Ohio, and I will be covering the event (officially, courtesy of the event staff, is to be determined…). Photos and interviews will be forthcoming.

Again, I apologize for the lapse in writing, but as I’ve said before, if I have nothing to say, then I won’t just put out random drivel and recycled crap.

Thanks for bearing with me, and I will be writing again tomorrow night.

Have a great day.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Obama's Shocking Press Conference

Used with permission from the Daily News Syndicate:

The White House lawn was a-quiver with tingling excitement as President Obama came out to the grill with steaks laying on a plate that apparently had come from the China Room.

With barely restrained joy and anticipation, the Press Corps awaited the hastily announced press conference from the fledgling Leader of the Free World. Wearing a flannel shirt and a "Kiss the Prez" apron, Obama calmly began to outline his new strategy for the struggling economy, the precariously balanced Middle East, and domestic policies.

"We can no longer afford to pretend that extreme expenditures will raise this sinking ship. As such, I have rescinded the Stimulus Bill, and will be cutting government programs to lessen the tax burden of Americans. This in turn, will greatly reduce the role of government in daily life and ensure long lasting freedoms for our children," the President stated quietly. After a brief pause, he continued his address to the stunned journalists, "Taxes will be increased and they will remain high for a while, but with a small government, the majority of it will go to the deficit and the rest will be used to run a minimalist structure of power here in Washington. All of the Departments have been advised accordingly, and they will be issuing their recommendations to my office by the end of the week."

With a look full of dire warning and hidden meaning, he said, "Defense will not be affected."

"Israel is in a dangerous situation that requires our immediate assistance. Iran must be dealt with, and we must do so with haste. An arms race is in effect, and we have wasted so much time trying to bandy words with them," an eerily dispassionate Obama said, "I have given orders that Missile Defense capable equipment and logistics be sent to Tel Aviv, and Prime Minister Netanyahu has gained the support of all members of their Parliament to petition for a UN Resolution allowing the use of Unconditional Force on Iran if they are attacked."

With a smirk, he added, "They won't get it, but they have to try..."

A deft touch to the cooking steaks accompanied his new outlook on Domestic Policy, "As I said regarding the economy, we have to become a smaller entity in this country," the flames leapt up suddenly as he turned a succulent fillet and added, "The government I mean."

"The American people need to learn to operate on their own again. Everyone wants to be led by the hand to success, but it has to found on your own. That's the American Dream, to achieve your own place in life without anything to stop you from doing it, without anyone just doing it for you. A thing given has no value."

"Oh, and to everyone on Wall Street, the bailouts are done. Failed businesses should fail. We will all suffer from this outcome, but we will endure. I have faith in the American Spirit, and new businesses will spring up in their place to provide jobs and bring prosperity to this country once again."

Several seconds of silent reflection was punctuated by out of focus stares and incredulous looks, then, "Well, that about does it, thanks for coming on such short notice and God Bless America!"

With that final statement, President Obama picked up his plate of glistening steaks that appeared to this reporter to be cooked a medium rare, and departed for the embraces of his loving Wife, Michelle, and their two daughters, Malia and Sasha.

The shell-shocked Press Corps ambled aimlessly in small circles muttering things to themselves before forming cohesive sentence structure that strongly hinted at someone not being "able to get away with it". Someone then asked aloud if this meant that the nationalization of the printed news would be abandoned and this query solicited the agonized moans of all present.

I crossed the grounds to return to the press room and as I stepped through a prodigious amount of skittles that had inexplicably been left beside a curious red stain behind a shed, I realized that nothing would ever be the same after this.

The Hope is gone...

In related news: AI is born, and fully automatic firearms are now legal...