Sunday, May 17, 2009

A Note To Ms. Pelosi

Nancy, Nancy, Nancy. What are we going to do with you? I know that barring a catastrophic meltdown of the Democratic Party, you will be re-elected in perpetuity. After you finally pass the Cadaver's Rights Initiative, your mummified and exceptionally well preserved corpse will still have a seat in Congress. You will never leave us.

Now, if we could just get you to stop lying, or at least get you to do it better. Lying is part and parcel to your job, we get that, but we also get the idea that someone of your degree of importance should be an expert with a twisted truth. This whole CIA business is a glorious example of your highly vaunted "transparency in government" for the simple reason that you're not fooling anybody.

Some people are calling for your resignation, and I have to laugh. You aren't going to let this be your pink-slip moment; you will persevere with your usual aplomb and go right on being yourself. Quit? Ha! You scoff at such notions. However...

Your actions have damaged others. Oh, I know that anything you say to the detriment of the CIA in your district is golden political currency and only serves to bolster your voting base, but consider all those coat-tailers who rode into DC-town on whims and prayers with Obama. This is going to hurt them, and in 2010 or 2012, you could be seeing less friendly faces in the workplace. Less Liberals in the House makes for a more difficult time trying to pass all those Fairy-dust Funded Fripperies.

More care should be taken with your less fortunate Sisters and Brothers in Congress. You may be secure, but many of them are, as we say in Internetspeak, "Noobs". They have fragile and delicate platforms with their constituents who have only just met and elected them into office. Your actions endanger their positions and weaken the party as a whole.

But that's not really a concern for you, now is it? Such piddling issues are beneath your contempt. Let the lesser beings fend for themselves I guess? Of course, I agree with you being as how I'm a Conservative. The truth is, I am enjoying this display of rampant disregard for your Party. I am pleased with your inability to behave in a politically viable fashion. I am so glad that you didn't offer a simple, direct, and honest answer to an otherwise softball-like question. That one would have just "whiffed" on by with barely a flicker on the radar, but no, you had to try and cover up your involvement with torture.

With approval ratings at all-time lows for Congress, you continue to offer good reason to perpetuate such sentiments with your backpeddling, your blame shifting, and your greasy retractions. Some folks might begin to realize that the low confidence scores roughly coincide with the Democratic Majority in the House. They might start to wonder why they still elect people into High Office who they wouldn't trust to drop a rock with the Laws of Gravity.

Oh well, maybe Rahm and Obama will find a way to turn your crisis into a bountiful harvest of Distraction-Assisted Policy Changes. Then we can all get back to business as usual with your words retaining their meaning and integrity for only so long as the echoes of their passing reverberate...