Thursday, January 22, 2009

To our Liberal Friends:

Congratulations on the consummation of your victory. It’s been quite a show, and we were all treated to many different varieties of Artist, Pundit, and Politico and their belief in this “Day of Hope” for America and the World. I believe that it is safe to say that Obama’s Inauguration (and the days leading up to it) is like nothing we have ever seen.

I would like to take this time to reassure you that we of the Right will do that which was difficult for some of you during the last eight years:

We will accept that Barack Obama is our President and the Leader of the Free World.

We will not decry the Will of the People, nor will the vast majority of us cling to insane hopes concerning various documents or other assorted nonsense. We have a 44th President of The United States, and he is our Commander in Chief.

This is our way of demonstrating that we believe so fervently in due process that we accept the outcome even when it is not that which we desire.

I must however, offer a caveat to you in regards to the concession that we offer. Our acceptance of his Presidency does not entail our support of his policies that conflict with our beliefs. We will hold him accountable for that which he does wrong, and we will give him credit where it is due. It will be difficult, but I for one will try my best.

Having now stated in plain English my intentions for the next four years as far as political conduct is concerned; I shall resume my usual tone…

I give the honeymoon until May. Those of you who are adept at arithmetic may notice that this is roughly about 100 days from now.

Around that time there will be many an iconic-t-shirt-wearer still standing in town squares with American flags that only recently saw the light of day. Their smiles will be forced, or at least strained. Nervous feet will be shuffling, and a quiet but audible murmuring will begin to manifest from somewhere in the center of the mass. Someone near you will say with the conviction of the desperate,

“Any minute now…”

The Unicorn Saddle will be gathering a thin patina of dust (not to be confused with fairy dust, as this will too have failed to materialize) that will foreshadow its sad and somewhat embarrassed career as an antique mall novelty. It will reside somewhere between the “Vote for Carter” buttons, and the Spiro Agnew ashtray.

“I can feel it. It’s coming…”

The mortgage will still be due and the Stimulus Bill will be passed, effectively mortgaging our country in the process. While the Media will tout the jobs that it creates, chances are good that statistically, you won’t be in those markets. There will also be a nagging doubt regarding the amount of taxes you pay, and the amount of money we will be spending on various projects, including your stimulus check.

“I Believe in Hope…”

The Troops will continue to go about their business of providing back-up to the increasingly stable Iraq, and surging into Afghanistan. Losses will be reported, but in a kinder, gentler way. The spin will make it more palatable I suppose.

“Change is here…”

Iran will still be hanging innocent people for the “crime” of being homosexual, their women still treated as chattel, and Ahmedinejad will still be screaming for the complete destruction of Israel. Hamas will still be a threat with its rockets and terror tactics, but surely peace talks and other “aggressively innovative diplomatic measures” will eventually bear the fruit of lasting peace, right?

“For the Children…um…”

The “Political Prisoners of the Bush Regime” at Guantanamo Bay will still be there, still being “tortured” with loud rock music, orange jumpsuits, and three square meals a day. The new Administration will be “seeking alternative venues” for their incarceration, but they will have begun to acknowledge the fact that they really are terrorists, and the worst examples of such at that.


Bush and Cheney will be at their respective homes resting peacefully and enjoying retirement while Rove still walks free and contributes on Fox News. All talks of prosecution will have faded away and become the stuff of dreams.


Then one day, it will dawn on you. The New Guy is just another politician. Oh, he’s no Bush, granted, but he won’t have delivered on everything yet. In fact, some of his campaign promises will have been shelved indefinitely in favor of more pressing needs. I’ll even bet that you will have, with increasing frequency, some concerns about his official stances on various issues.

“I’m going home.”

Yes, the honeymoon will be over. I can’t predict his overall performance over the course of the next four years, but aside from some catastrophic "game-changer", I doubt that I’m too far off in my assessment here.

Oh, and all your “Obama Commemorative Memorabilia”? There’s enough of it out there to clothe, heat, and in some cases feed a Third-World country.

Its only value will ultimately lie in reminding us all about the silliness we are capable of as a country.

I’d also be interested in finding out about the “CO2 footprint” and “Landfill Cubic Capacity” of all that crap…